Meeting My God
Dr. Clington MBBS D.Orth MRCS FRCS M.Ch orthIn May 1998, I decided along with our family to go down to the retreat centre as a thanks giving, to exalt the Lord. Again, deep in my heart, there was still doubt as to how could this happen. So, I did not want to go there myself whole heartedly. However God’s plan was different. Amidst turmoil, I set apart on 2nd May 1998, when I didnít know to the remotest of my heart, that I am going to meet my Saviour, Christ the Lord.Reaching there the next day, my expectations were shattered and I felt uncomfortable. The patterns of prayer did not fit me. After breakfast, I wanted to tell my Mom, that I want to leave that place for good. Now I realised someone speaking into me for first time ever in my life.
My intuition was that I am making a premature comment on matters, which I didnít have a clue about. I obliged to wait and see. I chose the last seat to evade questions and try to keep myself as far away as possible from God. The verse which transformed me was Sirac 21:1-3.
My sons, if you have sinned, do so no more, and for your past sins pray to be forgiven. Flee from sin as from a serpent, that will bite you if you go near it; its teeth are lionís teeth, destroying the souls of men. Every offense is a two-edged sword; when it cuts, there can be no healing. Ė Sirac 21:1-3
These verses pierced me as a double edged sword, revealing my personality in detail. I felt the need to change. Same day during the Eucharistic adoration, I saw an infant, with a single stretch of white garment in the Eucharist, which completely shocked me.
I knew it was Christ
I never convinced myself before, that Christ exists in the Eucharist. I shut my eyes not to see him. I swerved my chair to different angles to prove to myself and to everyone that it was not Christ, but reflection of light. I looked like a fool as I couldnít prove what I wanted to. I was caught up in fear, and I didn’t reveal this to anyone that day. I went to bed with lot of uncertainties.
Next day, I eagerly awaited for the adoration time. I was happy on that day to know that Eucharist was plain bread. There was no Christ in it! How good it is for me to say that Lord was not there, revealing my spirituality and relationship to God, despite saying Christian all my life through?