“But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ ” – (Ephesians 2: 1)
Beginning of 2009, I had only 2 subjects to pass, but I had been unsuccessful 10 times in the same subjects. I was not enjoying my young age anymore. I was frustrated, lost confidence, did not know what to do next. I was unable to progress in my life which irritated me a lot. I used to sit in my room and cry lot thinking about my future. My mother used to weep and pray for me too!
Now my friends were teasing me and I was losing hope. I started to fight in my home in frustration and was very disobedient. My friends rejected me thinking I am useless, not fit for purpose. My parents were unhappy at me, all of which left me desolated. I did not know what to do.
At this time I started to realise that I cannot continue like this and have to change my ways. Imagine who else can change one’s life other than God. It is so said in Bible, which is very true and it happened in my life too!
“For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” (John 3:16)
Meanwhile the Lord was continually giving His advice in one way or other through his servants. By this time I was informed by God’s servants that God is not happy about my sinful life. However, He was willing to change this for me, provided I allowed Him to act. I was advised to repent for my sins and change my ways as God loved me. I could not believe this!!
For me, how could God love a sinner like me? I did not know what to do. The message came again to confess truly, as my sins were barriers to communicate with God. I was also advised that I should at least taste God to know a flavour of him. Given an open challenge, that I will not regret for choosing God to change my life, I chose to experiment.
Further to this I prepared myself for a week for the confession. When I confessed, I felt unburdened and sweated profusely. I knelt before the Eucharist, when I shivered and everyone looked at me with surprise. I came home happily and narrated to my mother what had happened. She was very happy and so I was. I felt peace and happiness which is far beyond expression. It was such an overwhelming experience, which I have never experienced before. I started to pray everyday searching for my God.
I want to sever my old friendship and life style. I changed my mobile number; I stopped talking to my friends, stopped my sinful ways, searching for my saviour. I cried out to my Lord to help clear my arrears. All these things were happening around April 2009. After attempting the exams in May 2009, I was unsuccessful again, which not only shattered me, but also my whole family, as we thought God would help me pass this time. In fact I had failed miserably.
